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I want to fly away

this is my little corner of that huge technological innovation they call the internet, if you take a moment to pass the time and see, maybe you'll get to know me better, if you know me at all. <><

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Location: I'm lost in the, United Kingdom

Never Perfect. But Perfectly Forgiven.

Saturday, March 10, 2007


Hello everyone!

Its been a long time since i've updated this. I just thought I'd come on while I've got some free time, and believe me, today, I have lots of free time and its all because I'm working!

Let me explain a little, since I'm a student ambassador here at uni it means I get various duties to do and get paid to do them. Some more exciting than others. For example, on wednesday the archbishop of york became the chancellor of our university and there was a big ceremony in the minster. It was my job to say hi to all the VIP guests, there was the lord mayor, the sherrif, some council members, a delegate from some foreign embassy and of course the archbishop himself! After that it was my job to move some chairs around, but not just any chair, it was the archbishop's chair! It was very cool, I got to sit in it and everything and then had to mocve it onto the stage for him. In the evening they had a big celebration that I had to work in, but by the end of the night there was no work for me to do so technically I was getting paid to drink champaign!

Last night was the same, I got paid to go bowling with a few kids coming for a uni "taster weekend" and today I'm getting paid to do this!

I could get used to this.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Driving test number 8........

I PASSED!!!!!!

: D

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Same question to this video....

I know it was done by steve vai and kiss but I can't find the track anywhere!

Promise this is the last for today...

I can't stop now! This is fun!

Sorry, I just gotta' put this on, don't you just love the music to this part?!?! Anyway, point is does anyone have this track? and more importantly anyone know where to get the guitar intro to it??

I've just signed up for Youtube so Lets give this a go...One of my favourite secular tunes.

This guy seems a bit arrogent, but actually quite a nice guy, he's also pretty amazing on guitar. Thats the guitar I want, the type he's playing, and when I can play this song, I think I'll have made it!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Long time no See


I'm back for christmas!!! I've been doing lots of stuff, and will probably be posting more regularly soon. I've done tonnes of stuff, its been great.

Click here to see the kind of stuff us at the C.U have been getting up to. I wasn't involved in it, but its funny coz I know them all.

The girl at the end who asks Johnny for a kiss is called Bek, she's the president at the moment, but not for long because, as of February, Its gonna be me!! I'm gonna' be president of the York S.J. Christian union, how cool is that!?

Friday, November 03, 2006

Do You Remember Miss Ashford's 18th Party?

It was her 18th wasn't it, at that village hall with the field and the swings?

Hello! How's everyone doing? Long time-no-post but I've finally got some space to do it! Anyway, I was just thinking back to that first party I went to after going to North. Well I know it was a bit odd, all of us hanging round outside whilst laura and most of her other friends were off getting hammered inside, but I just thought that it was such a great night and I don't know why. I remember turning up and sitting on the swings outside and watching the sunset with George Steff and Suzie. Then running round the newly ploughed field after Gaz who thought there was a dog after him.
It was really cool. Without getting too deep I guess it was the first time that i Got to know most of my friends, talking to Suzie alot, trying to do chin-ups on the swings with Gaz, sitting on the fence with george and dot and meeting betty for the first time. It just got me thinking, i miss that, it was so cool and I was really happy and now things are so different, its like we've all moved on so much, do you think we'll ever be like that again?
I know I can't comment really, its no one's problem why we've all gone our separate ways, thats life I suppose, but I just don't want to forget all those good times. it meant alot

And on that kind of vein, if anyone wants to come and see me then they're more than welcome, its pretty cool up here so if you can afford it, come and say hi!



Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Sorry Gaz

You may have heard of project X. I know many of you are wondering what that is, well, I feel that it is now my duty (although I have been entrusted to secrecy) to reveal this to you, it is not my palce to keep such a discovery from mankind. To find out the true nature of project X. Click Here

Saturday, September 30, 2006

A little Piece of History

Now Petra are all gone (although are soon to release ANOTHER album!!!! : O )All the merchandise associated with them is already becoming worth a lot, my LPs for example are getting pretty expensive on places like Amazon and Ebay, My guitar, now that all 200 of them have been sold, it already worth lots more than I paid for it, but can anyone tell my why a CD of their debut album, not an original 70's LP, but a CD remake, is going for over $100!? I'd much prefer my piece of history, although LPs are getting increasingly harder to play I guess. Oh well.

Anyway I just thought I'd say Hi and update this since its been quite a while, its very hard to get to the internet round here. Well I'm off so catch you later!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Bye Bye Bromsgrove

Tomorrow I go, I fly the nest, I leave home, maybe for the last time as a permanent resident here. I'm just about to pack up my computer so before I do I'll Just say a few words; AARGH!

Well, as a bloke at college may once have said; I'm absolutely "bricking it", its all a bit too late for cold feet now but man is it freaky. To be honest I'm just worried that I'll make a hash of it, with everything, ok so Its my first year in York, but my second of Uni so basically, it all counts but well I'm not the first to be in this situation I'm sure, I could cope with that. But then I've got to fit in, not one of my strong points, well not always. So ok, maybe I fins some friends, great, but then I'll have to find some people in my own year too (no one else in Halls will be year 2) THEN I'll have to get to know Rachel's friends too, who undoubtedly will be completely different to mine and then we'll have the same problem we've had the last three years, me not getting along with any of the people she knew, then that'll create a conflict of interests adding yet more tension to what we already have, which is, well, an unfortunately less than desireable situation. Don't get me wrong,I want to be with rachel, she's great, I love her, for crying out loud I moved half way across the country to be with her and threw all my own plans out the window in the process. But unfortuantely its not going to solve all the other problems, namely her folks, perticularly that thing that calls itself her mother, you know it even told rachel that in october when my new neice or nephew comes arrives she's not ALLOWED to come and visit with me!?!?!?!?!?! -.-
Anyway, don't get me started, but you get the idea - not impressed.
Why can't life just be simple, and happy and smiley? :'(
Well I've got plenty to contend with and the main reason I'm so worried about going away is that this adventure is either going to make or break me, I've put all my eggs in one rather rickety basket and am driving it across country, oh yea, and STILL without a licence! Point being, if this doesn't work I'm gonna be screwed, but if it did, it may turn out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, i have known pain
but theres one thing, that i'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true

when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

in the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more

when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

I will praise you, i will praise you
when the tears fall, still i will sing to you
i will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still i will sing

when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, i have known pain
but theres one thing, that i'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true

when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

I will praise you, i will praise you
when the tears fall, still i will sing to you
i will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still i will sing X2

when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

I hope so.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I'm calm, I'm relaxed, everything is just a beautiful bed of roses....

Yea right!

Stuff stinks right now, and what a way to start a new post since I haven't been here for a while. I won't bore you with the details but i'm just not very happy (some of you who read "18" will know this already) This is the first good news I've had in an age, that my computer is back and seems to be working ok but even that wasn't without its problems!
I've realised, I'm moving away in just over a week now, Most of me can't wait it'll be cool, but, well, what if it all goes wrong? Everything else is at the moment, I do stuff to try and make people happy but I just end up the worse for it classic example happened yesterday, and I HATE it....

I got my hair cut.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Is there something BobHartman isn't telling us?!

Whilst on holiday in Italy, my parents stumbled across this lorry, which, obviously, is Petra's secret tour truck, they're secretly Touring Europe! Maybe this time they'll finally come to England?!

; P

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I'm not one much for cars: But this is something else!

Over £80,000 worth of car, V12 engine (thats like three "regular" car engines put together) 130 mph down the redditch bypass with tonnes to spare, we ran out of road before we ran out of speed! I want One!

There aren't many people who can say they've had a ride to the Golden Cross in an Aston Martin right Rachel?! ; )

Sorry of we scared you Suzie, and sorry for not coming I've got some people I've got to say goodbye to, I may not see them again so you understand why I've had to give this week a miss. Maybe next time.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


Well, Its been a while since I've been here, too much working, I'm not cut out for all this earning money malarchy. Anyhoo, if you're interested I gt my film developed, this was the only decent picture from my most excellent excursion to London, me and Bob Hartman, I never thought this picture would ever happen!....

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

All Hail Mr. Failure

Sixth time lucky?

I Don't think so.

Monday, June 19, 2006

long time no see


Its been ages!!! tonnes of reasons why, mostly my screwy inernet connection, plus some blogger maintainance and other stuff, but here I am!
I'm not in a very bloggy mod right now but I kindof feel like I should pay some attention to it, it seems a little left out.

Well what an adventure, I'm skipping town and it feels so odd! Its taken me ages to decide and a lot of deliberation. I got a bit worried lately about going and having second thoughts and stuff but basically well, I'm going now, no turning back either coz' all y bridges at newman are thoroughly burnt!

I said goodbye on friday, its amazing the ammount of friends I never knew I had! all these people telling me they'll miss me and that I was such a good friend, you know all last week I was out every night eating with people, going for walks having jam sessions , just having a pretty cool time, I should have toldthem I was leaving at the start of the year! I was at the bar on friday night will i closed at 2am, then went out on the "balcony" (scaffolding where they'e putting in new windows, I wknow we shouldn't but its very cool and you can climb right out on to it from the windows in A block) and watched the morning come in till I eventually crashed at 4 in the morning. It was a great night, I even let my hair down (literally) and did a little headbanging to bon jovi, they were rather impressed with my air guitar solo.

But now its all over, I cansee now that although it was fun for a bit i don't think i would have lasted there. It wasn't a wrong decision, I think its served its purpose being at Newman but now its time to move on. Its been fun (kinda') an experience to say the least now hopefully I've got a new beginning ahead of me. I wonder what I'll be writing here after my first year at york, well lets wait and see, I hope it'll be good, I hope its the right thing to do!

Well for someone who isn't really in a blogging mood I'vesaid quite enough I think. this is Matthew Marshall signing off for the evening.

God bless <><

Thursday, June 01, 2006


There can be a fine line between the two, although most of the time people would see them as polar opposites. I don't like being arrogant, I try not to be, but then what good are you to anyone if you are so humble that you never do anything anyway becasue you don't want to get in the way? Its all so confusing. I Read this today, I'm not sure whether it helps to get all of that in focus or whether it just blows it all out of proportion. Its still just as hard to grasp, but I see the point, why be small when you've been created to be so much bigger? Why deny your gifts if you've been given them? Why not set an example if you've been equipped to do that? It makes sense you know.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Nelson Mandela.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Computer Brains

My internet connection has been down all week and shows no signs of being mended so here I am in the computer room. I'm getting rather worried as to how good I'm getting at Tetris, its all my computer will run properly at the moment; old dos games. but its still kinda fun, i even mangaed to beat the computer in a 2 player mode, thats like impossible! Also I've just discovered Street fighter, see when i was younger and all the nintendo and Sega stuff was out on the consoles I couldn't play them because we only had a pc, this was good in a way becasue instead my upbringing encorporated such excellent games as Commander Keen (1-7), crystal caves and galactix, all of which i have now rediscovered thanks to a wonderful (although a bit dodgy) disk I got off ebay, 300 freeware dos games and emulated dos games for about £4. So thats what i'm doing alot of now, playing old games that I never had done before, who needs Physics accelerated ultra high definition graphics enhansed real-time playability, when you can have two pixelated anime characters with over-exaggerated features throwing fireballs at eachother?!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Number 5..........

.........Oh what a flippin' surprise.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

One of the oddest days of my short little existance

Well It all started with an e-mail; Do you want to come and pick up your guitar from me in person, : o Would I?!
So off i trundle at eight in the morning down to new street (note this is my first ever solo train journey!) to catch the connection to euston. The plan was to meet at about lunchtime, just after midday, well i got there and by the time i found the hotel it was about quarter to, so I told the receptionsist my buisness and she sent me to sit in the bar, with a complimentary glass of juice (how nice)
Well i waited, and waited, and waited, for about two hours, i guessed his fligt was delayed or something, he was coming straight from the plane. But then, looking out the window i noted a coach pulling up (he was with a big group travelling around the uk) and out of the crowd i noticed, the face you see in the photo, the most excellent guitar dude of them all; Bob Hartman! This was it, i'd get to meet him, so all excited i got up walked to the door, just to see the whole lot of them walking down the street! i didn't want to intrude (although with hindsight it wouldhave been better) so i let them go, only to return another hour later. By this time it was like 3 o'clock, but it was all worth it. The party of yanks poured into the hotel and i saw him leant up against a wall, i looked over to catch his glance, he saw me but looked away (he's so shy!) then I went up and smiled again and in his funny little american accent said "Matt? hey!" then i got to shake his hand! I'll never wash it again! (joke) well he was on a tight schedule so all this was a litte rushed, his smile kind of faded and said "i got some bad news" (oh dear) "they lost all our luggage...." (AARGH!) no way! no guitar! :'''( well that was aboutthe sum total of our conversation, I got a photo, but also have 23other pictures to take before I can develop the film. All in all the experience left me a bit unbalanced really, I was absolutley gutted about not getting the guitar, but it evened out the fact that i achived one of my life long aims! Plus the journey back was rather nightmarish, well, more boring, but the basic outcome was this; I've only just got in! its like 10p.m.!
However, even though I didn't get my guitar (i will later) i got to meet Bob Hartman, the dude who I can talk about for hours! Founder of my most favourite band ever, one of the excellent people who decided to begin the christian Rock music genre, an excellent person all round, but you know, you wouldn't think it. To look at he's no different to any other guy. And thats what's so cool about him, he's just an average Joe none of the fame has changed him at all, and yea, he is famous. Come on, how many people can say that they've played gigs in from of over 10,000 people recorded over 22 successful albums & kept a band alive for over 33 years despite unprecidented opposition from the industry and public!? You wouldn't think that that guy has written hundreds of real head banging rock songs, he's kind of quiet and introverted, a real thinker, but content and happy, kind of reminds me of me a little (well the quiet bit at least) I just wish I could play guitar and write songs like him! It was excellent, really cool, although it was short and rather uneventful, it'll take a very long time to forget today!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

of burnt bridges and opened doors...

Hi there. Decisions, i hate them, although without them i'd be rather robotronic, so i'm kind of glad i have the freedom, but why do they have to be so difficult to make!!??
Well I've made a few anyway, hopefuly they'll work out for the best, i really hope they do. Well for one, i'm not going to America, well not just yet anyway, i can't really warrant a whole year out so thats not going to happen. There was a suggestion that I could go just over this summer but its all kind of too short notice, and expensive and for another it just fells kind of, well not right, not at the moment, sounds odd but hey, its me! So instead i'll see what happens over this next year and maybe go next summer. Give me some moretime to plan and what have you. Then there's the biggy. The, in a sense, "life altering" one:
I'm moving house, i'm leaving, swanning off to another uni, in York.
Well, i know there's tonnes of different opinions on the subject, but if nothing else at least it was my own decision for once!!
I'll be sad to go, things probably wont ever be the same again, but change is a good thing, its healthy. I'll miss my friends here, and all the security and things that i've just got too used to. But it'll be an experiece if nothing else, and thats what life's about, isn't that right Suzie?
Its a bit scary, but kind of exciting too. I'm looking forward to it, in a strange sort of way, its like that weird enjoyment you get just before you go over the edge of the biggest drop on a rollercoaster. but saying that, the biggest rollercoaster i've ever been on, was the "hungry catterpillar" when i was a kid, but you get the idea!?
Well have fun everyone. Don't forget me when i'm gone!!!

Monday, May 15, 2006

I'm no good with HTML

Ok, can someone please tell me how to insert some HTML into this blog?! its not so much as getting it in there (i can copy and paste!!) but its where to put it. I tried and all i got was a messed up looking screen, all too big or small or bits missing. I want one of those map thingys that tell you who's reading (yes i know its not very exciting if its all just form one place!!) I've signed up and and they gave me the script to copy but where does it go and under which heading!?!?


Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Priminister's Question time...

1. Has there ever been a religion....

Well If we're talking in terms of certified religions, not the wierd cults or sects, then I suppose the nearest I can think of is Maybe Buddhism and Hinduism. The process of re-incarnation doesn't necessarily involve an "after"life since you're constantly being reborn in to this one, however If a hindu lives a perfect life they eventually Do believe their Atman (soul) becomes part of Brahman (god) and the same with a buddhist eventually they achieve Nirvana and become part of the transcendent (but not god) So as far as I know, thats as close as you get.

2. Would christianity still ....

Doubtless that the Roman empire did alot to spread chrisitnaity. However it was spreading before that, Paul (apostle) did loads to bring it to the further western world before he even got to Rome, and it was permeating through the Jewish culture of the time also. Maybe if it wasn't for the empire it wouldn't have got so far so fast but they were not at all the sole reason for its survival, indeed in the early years it was they who were doing most to destroy it! So i would say it helped, but without it now we'd probably just not have catholicism (whether thats good or bad, well...)

3. p=np

Is this your own version of a string theory?

4. The band.

Well officially I have no band. However, we who like to get together and jam once in a while and play the occasional "gig" At chuch events and in the local park, consist of: The beautiful and talented Rachel Fisher, normally on Keys and backing vocal, however she does sometimes sing lead, play flute, play clarinette (not so often) and now sax too. Then there's Stuart Hood, affecionately known as Stu/Stuie. he plays bass, writes songs and once tried to sing lead, he didn't try again. Then there's Dan Shirley. Our Drummer, he once walked into a library and asked to buy some drumsticks, the librarian responded "you do know this is a library?" so Dan whispered back "oh sorry, can I buy some drumsticks?" Then over the years we havehad various backing vocalists, why or where they come from I don't know, they just seem to turn up when they wish and unfortunately (no offence) sing out of tune, out of time and have little or no expression, and balme it on me when it goes wrong!!! And finally, there's me. Rhythm and lead guitar, electric and acoustic. i also for some reason unbeknownst to me get put on lead vocals : / they always make fun of hte amount of effects pedals I own, there is some truth in the fact that I use them to disguise terrible playing, but they shouldn't laugh, i'm usually the organiser of stuff too, and the one who has turned up to every practice (nobody else has) and when needed fills in for the bass, or drummer. However that leaves no guitar but hey. So thats a brief overview ofthe band. Unfortunately we have no name. any suggestions??

4. yes I do know someone who can teach you mandarin chinese, her name is sally, however she at the moment is living in china and unable to give lessons.

5. ... Belly laugh

Well firstly you need to develop a proper belly, a beer belly, therefoe you need to drink more ale!!! alternatively buy one of these: http://www.firebox.com/index.html?dir=firebox&action=product&pid=1388&src_t=cat&src_id=party

Then once you have developed a proper paunch, i think it comes naturally.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The afterlife

OOOooOOOOoooh Spooky!
So does anyone actually know what's gonna happen to them for certain when they die? Even better, put up your hand if you've ever died but then lived to tell about it? Anyone? Anyone at all?
Nope? Ok then, so what does happen to all those lovely people who've lived perfectly good lives but then died, do they deserve to be eternally punished? Could God not find it in his heart to be comapssionate towards these people? Again, any takers to answer a question that is ultimately unanswerable? Anybody that sure of themselves that they feel qualified to answer for God himself? No? Ok then.

Basically Sarah my friend, I don't know, i don't know the mind of God. But how about we take our view of "Hell" a little differently.

This place of the damned has been dramatised by many people over many centuries, none of which had ever been there (and it's up to God whether they ended up there!) Some exemplified "fire and brimstone" to try and scare their poor peasant parishioners into comingto church and giving them more money. Other people have let their imaginations run wild from the biblical referencces to a place of "weeping and gnashing of teeth" where restless souls are eternally tormented by red demons with horns and a pitchfork. Well, i've read the bible form cover to cover, and bits in between, and well, I can't find any of that in there.

In classical Jewish culture there was however this one place, known as 'Sheol' the "abode of the dead". This was traditionally a place underthe earth where everyone goes when they die. Thats just it, everyone ends up there, good and bad, its just a place of a nothingness, not full of joy, nor endless torment.
Well i suppose those souls have got to go somewhere!
There was also the valley of Gehinnom. This was a real place outside of Jerusalem, where all the cack from the town was thrown and burnt. It also was once used for Child sacrifices to heathen gods, and obviously not the nicest place to be. It was the mixture of these two places that brought about the concept of what we in English now call Hell. Whether or not that is a correct definition and idea of the afterlife, still remains to be seen, i suppose untill its too late, for some people.

The significance of this is firsly that if when people die then they go to "Sheol" then this is neither a punishment nor a blessing, its just what happens, its the mechanism by which the universe is kept in spiritual balance so that there aren't millions of floating souls around the place. However more imporatntly, and more amazingly, is what you get if you switch the focus; you see, many people look and see God as damning people to eternal punishment if they don't do as he wants, and blessing them with eternal joy if they do. Well forget about the damnation, God doesn't buy into that i'm sure. He's just and holy and righteous, he knows what he's doing so obviously his decisions are right, but take the view that if you die you go to the same place as everyone else, well thats pretty annoying if you've spent your whole life trying to do what God wants you to do (this is very simplified you understand!) So instead he lets you go to heaven, where he is, thats a place where no one has ever been able to get to before unless they've been absolutely completely perfectly sinless. hmm, so i guess that counts me out!

So then AGAIN God switches the focus, to Jesus. with the death of Jesus all the crap that anyone had ever put into their life and was ever to put into their lives was sorted out, was paid for, was atoned for, what this meant was that anyone could get into heaven and wouldn't have to end up in sheol, instead of living in a state of "limbo" (i use the term very loosely) they actully get to enjoy their afterlife in the most perfect place ever created, now i think that sounds more like my kind of thing!

Now that leaves many other unanswered questions I know, and if you really want me to explain or ask them to me then i'll try, but basically to sumarise: The afterlife has always been focused on punishment, I think the main thing to say is that for one nobosy knows for sure, but what I believe is that punishment is not the focus of life after death. Its enjoyment. if you go to wherever, the same place as everyone else then thats a kind of default, if you deserve so much to be punished then thats up to God and like I said, i'm sure he knows what he's doing with that. But otherwise, if God wants you in heaven then that should be celebrated, that shoudl be the focus, thats the amazing thing.

But Hey, i'm Not God, I'm no biblical scholar, i'm not much of a theologian and i've never died and gone around the afterlife to see what its all about so feel free to question me. But God is forgiving, He is right, He is loving and compassionate, He understands all this much better than we ever could, and through the death of his own Son, if he wants to atone for us, why should we deny the gift? why shouldn't we joyfuly accept it and stop worrying about eternal punishment. The debt has already been paid in full, whether you feel like you deserve it or not its been done already. So now all you got to do is say yes. And stop worrying!

Well thats what I think.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Writers Block

I want to post here, but can't think what, therefore, I propose that someone suggest a topic, i'll select the best and then write my next post about my opinions on it and if i don;t have any opinions, i'll write about how i could form them. now who secondeth the motion?

Sunday, April 30, 2006

And now i'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our big happy family........

Yes!!!! Woo, i'm up to 11!!!
Its not here yet, infact will take a while to arrive but i've just brougt it from mr Bob Hartman himself, AND its gonna' be autographed!!
He makes some serious beices of kit now, i'd like to buy them all, but this is the cheapest and most distinctive, infact, one of the cheapest and most distinctive guitars i've seen in a long time, and one of only a very very few, infact maybe even the ONLY one in the Uk!!!

Yay, now its only two more from Bobs house to buy, an Ibanez Jem, Gibson les Paul and maybe a few more on the way, just for fun. oh yea, and a bass, and drum kit, and recording studio aaand Then i'll be satusfied, for a while.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

A change of mind

I've been a bit, well, less than joyous lately to say the least. So i'm going to try and be a bit more positive today. I've got too many big decisions to make at the moment,lots to think about. The end of my first year at uni is nigh and to be honest it hsn't really been the greatest experience i've ever had. So what should I do? Carry on and just live with it? take a year (Or more) out and come back to it later? move uni's or just pack it all in all together?
Well, the last isn't really very sensible, that'll just be an even bigger waste of time , and well the first, I don't think would be the best either. I know this may sound very stupid, or just hopelssly romantic (hey i'm a renaissance man)but one of the main reasons for going where I did was 1. low grade offers,and 2. close to Rachel. Well, not the best made decision, thats what most of my family would say if they heard me say that, but its true, I thougt that it would make things easier for the two of us if we were closer, but guesswhat, now she's swanning off to York, bummer.
So, I'm at a bit of a loose end, where will I be after this summer? Well first lets consider this summer, I AM going to pass my driving test, its just getting stupid now, so even if i have to have a test every week for the next four months i'm going to do it. Then if I still have some cash left over i'm going to get some wheels and go off driving somewhere, i don't care where but anyway, thats what i want, and if i can afford one i'llbe getting, oh yes, a VW CAMPER!!!! however, this is not very likely, but very cool if i could. Failing that i'll be working this summer, but come september, well, lets see....
Option 1. Year out.
This would be cool, I've got contacts in the states; go out and work in a church, expeiencing the type of job i'd like to have, have a cross-cultural experience. Earn a bit of money when i'm back here, maybe travel a bit wider, a bit further just for the fun of it, but of course the bank balance is always a problem so i guess this'll all hav to be substuted with a good few months of hard graft. So that would be my year. But, would that be profitable? Some say yes,some say no, and some say DEFINATELY no, not mentioning any names. But anyway, this all makes the decisionprocess very hard. Yes i do think that i need to get away from home,live a little like i never have been able to before, but i could also do that with a uni transfer, for cheaper. The only think thats holding me back i think is th regrets, I feellike i've kind of wasted this year a bit,i don't want to do that again. But these decisions could potentially be life altering, would it be worth it, or would it be better to do it later?
Option 2. Transfer
Wel, i think this may happen sooner or later anyway, even if i did have a year out i would probably not go back to newman, but then where to go? well, to me its pretty obvious, a little further north, a very old walled city, famous for its viking museum. There would be no problem getting in there i don't think, and courses suit fine. But would it be right? Idon't know!!!! How can you know? When you're not sure about what you want to do or where you want to go how can you ever make an informed decision. Everything seems so good, so right, so do-able, but i can't do it all!!!!
I don't know what to do, i don't know how i can choose either, my mind gets made up but then changes so dramatically, i'm pulled in so many directions, where can i go!? well i'm not sure how long i hav to decide, but i've got so much to think about, i need to settle and get on with my life, its only just beginning, i don't want to screw it up. I just want to make the right decision for once.
But I guess i'm the only one who can decide that.
Any suggestions?

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I'm Back!

HI there.

I've been in a bit of internetian exile for like over a week now. Not been able to check e-mails or post on here or anything. I would say I've been busy,well its a half truth, i've been doing bits of work and stuff at college or savers, but not all the time, I guess i've just been directing my time elsewhere. So, what's been happening? anyting fun? Not with me, actually i've been pushed into not playing my guitar anymore at church. I'm too much of a disturbance apparently. Why is it that all these people that make up the "family" of God,are some of the people that I can't stand the most!!!! They seem to hold no regard for other people in what they practice, yet of course on paper they look the most holy joe there is. Or what's worse, the insenserity, like telling you one thing but not really meaning it, the nice happy smiles when you know that they really don't want you around. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be like that and to be honest its a verysweeping generalisation. Most people are sincere in whatthey say, if they say its good to see you then they mean it, and they will take into account how you feel before opening their mouths to spew forth some helpful "encouragement". But you know how there are just some people who just REALLY grate on you? Peoplewho just don't understand you, they have no want or desire to do so and the very sight of them just makes you want to scream!? Something they've done or said just brings out the worst part of you, where before you held no resentment for them at all. But I cant tell them because, well, its not my place of course, they're right, I should do as they say, because they're older and so obviously wiser than I am. Bovine feaces!!!

Anyway, thats all I've got time for,my little rant, don't take me too seriously, I don't like to sound like a hypocrite, I'm really not, but for some reason we've been given such a range of emotions surely they can't be wrong to express, just need to be directed in the right place. Why can't everyone just get along!?

Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm 100 Today!!!

Hello and welcome to the 100th post of my blog. You would think i'd have something philosophical and thoughtprovoking to say on such an auspicious occasion, but I haven't, so there!

Although it may be an appropriate time to disclose my plans for the following year; i'm going into exile!!

Well not really, more that i'm going to go to caldey island, at least for a bit, to go live with the monks there. I'm not a great fan of all aspects of monastic life, i'm not much one for the whole celibacy thing i don't think, but i wouldn't mind living on a secluded island in the peace and tranquility off the coast of wales whilst wearing sandals and a long brown robe.

Anyway, i'm suspending for a year from uni and i'm going to do a bit of "experience" in different things, and being a monk is one of them, hopefully they'll let me come and see what life's like on their little bit of rock (i won't send them a picture before hand!) I'm gonna be doing other stuff too, what i'm not sure but, hopefully it'll be good.

Anyway there you go.

bye! <><

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I don't Adam + Eve it

One of the single greatest answers to almost all of the inane and trivial theological debates...
I'm SO going to quote this song one day in an essay, its one of my main aims in education. Its by a band called Why? and the album Giggle, or maybe its the other way round, you can't really tell. Anyway, to appreciate it properly you have to hear it in all its irish folk glory, but just imagine this to some twiddely diddely music...

Did the winners of the human race have thirteen ribs or hair?
Was it apple strudel or a slice of pear?
Could you see a belly button when their clothes were shed,
If not what could they touch before they wed?

I don't believe it really matters,
I don't believe I really care! Hey!

Mr Noah Built an ark 500 qubits long,
50 qubits wide and 60 qubits high.
The dinosaurs said farewell as their friends all climbed on board,
I bet the dodo wished he took his wife

~dum di dum dum, dum dum~

For forty days and forty nights they sailed around the world,
looking for a mountain or a great big dockyard.
Dove got tired of waiting so he flew off on his own,
was it upon mount arrarat he sat?

I don't believe it really matters,
I don't believe I really care! Hey!

Joseph had a lovely coat, did Joseph's mum have twelve?
Did Joseph one day dream that he'd be Jason Donnovan?
Was Goliath really killed with a pebble from the brook,
or was that there to make this a good book?

I don't believe it really matters,
I don't believe I really care! Hey!

Matthew said she's having a baby,
Mark said he's the son of God,
Luke said he died and rose again,
John said get that bit in your head; he died and rose from the dead,
for you his blood was shed, John said get that bit in your head

And thats the only thing that matters!
And that's the only thing i'll share, I'll share, i'll share,i'll share, share, share, share, share, Ha ha ha ha ha HA!


(the most meaningful lyrics of the whole song! : / )

la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la La


Its so cool, you've got to listen to it!!!

: P

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

No Way!!!!

Sorry, i know i already just posted but this is just weird. I had my blog and 18 up, (as you do) when i was writing the previous stuff. When i'd read 18 i just out of interest pressed the "next blog" button (as you do) and after about 3/4 spanish/japanese holiday photo blogs i came to, guess where?


it's like we're neighbours.
Well hey, if thats what i've got to be excited about then why not!

Its only Tuesday!!!

This week is dragging, BIG TIME. I guess i just want a break, but got tonnes to do, but not doing it, i suppose i should while i can, but i can't be bothered!!
I went to the gym again, its no fun on your own, i decided to see how many situps i could do on this kind of situp/weight machine, it basically just makes them a little tougher. I tried to just keep going until i couldn't do any more, but i got bored after 400 and just left. I don't think i was doing them right, i haven't really got abs that strong. Anyway, thats about it. Not much fun has happenned since my birthday, thanks for the money btw everyone! Its very helpful. I also, besides my rockin' amp and funky lttle book, got a plasma ball, pretty cool all psychadelic and groovy lookin', hehe, i should have been a hippy.

Peace Out


Wednesday, March 29, 2006


I know this is kind of belated, and actually thinking about it i'm not sure if i've already said, and thinking about it again i'm not sure if i'm supposed to tell everyone, but not that it'll matter so much on here and thinking about it even more still, it has to be some of the best news i've heard in YEARS so i'm going to say it anyway:

I'm goin to be an UNCLE!!!! X D

That always makes me happy, i'm so pleased for them, so there's like another mini-marshall on the way, i'm not going to be the youngest in the clan anymore!

Aaahh, sorry, i was feeling all sad and annoyed at stuff, thats the kind of thing that cheers you up doesn't it?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Hi there.

Hello everyone, and hello Dot, no need to worry i'm still here (just)

Have you ever seen the part in "waynes world" when wayne and garth find their friend on the bench who's about to hurl and garth gives him that paper cup to puke in?

"if you're gonna spew, spew into this...."?

well, obviously no one had a paper cup last night. For some reason at about 2 this morning i was woken up by voices just outside my room, seemed odd coz i'm the only one in my corridor, i just ignored it thinking the guy in the room next door may have come back (but he hasn't)

I woke up to find that whoever was outside had decided to use my bathroom, for i dread to think what, but there were empty durex packets on the floor and worse the bath had a puddle of chunder in it, complete with carrot pieces. Well no shower this morning then, good job i didn't need to wash my hair. Its always the same with me, WHY?!

Anyway, i got back from my lecture thinking that i'd have to clean it up but the very very very nice cleaning ladies managed to do it for me.

Anyway, ifi was unsure i'm pretty certain now that i'm going to go away next year, not sure where, right now i don't care but all this uni stuff should have waited so i'm gonna have a break, go do some proper work.

Anyway there you go, i guess thats all i'vce had to talk about since thats all thats happenend around here lately. Oh well.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Driving test #4.....

A most incredible, yet not surprising, FAILURE!

This is just getting stupid, Though I guess i'm doing my part for the environment.

The establishment Sucks.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I've once again reverted to not liking it here

Well that just about says it all i guess. at my current rate of academic backsliding i'll be a college dropout before you know it. Essays aren't getting done, reading isn't getting done, presentations aren't getting done, and the reason why? Coz i can't! It seems a physical impossibility for me to do anything here. The only thing i've managed to succeed in is having some rather successful jam sessions with many differnt people, and make a name for myself as being the guitar man who sings in the chapel at 2 in the morning. Other than that, my time here is becomeing an increasing waste of it. Why did i come here?!?!?!?!? I didn't want to, i always said that i wasn't going to, it doesn't really fit into any of my longterm life "goals" so what on earth was i thinking?! I'm not academic, i don't want to read books, then write essays on what other people think, its not me, its not going to get me where i want to go so AARRGGHH!!!
All my writing time is now spent writing either songs or stories, none of which will get me a degree, but its all i can do, its one of the few things i can focus on. It lets me get all this stuff i have in my head, my little fantasy world that i want to run away into but everyone tells me it doesn't exist, well it has to i'm sure. It must, otherwise where does all my thinking come from? Am i crazy or something? I don't know, but when reading this back again i sound like i am so i'm going to stop now. I don't know what to do but anyway.

"...So take me away, to a world where the air is clear, take me away where the stars shine bright, take me away where the clouds have a silver lining and castles in the sky, for you and I" "...run wild, run free break these chains that are holding me, run child, run free... where white horses run... don't you ever stop, run wild, run free"

Monday, February 27, 2006

Well i couldn't find i street sign, but i found tonnes of stupidly worded ones:

Well i did find one sign, but i didn't take it becasue i didn't think you'd appreciate a broken one; it was a "this sign is out of order" sign! X D

Outside a jeweller's shop:
Ears pierced while you wait
Outside an electrical store:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come in here!
Sign in a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
In a dress shop window:
Don't stand outside and faint - come in and have a fit
Sign in a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs
In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
Outside a farm:
Horse manure: 50p per pre-packed bag, 20p do-it-yourself
In the window of a dry cleaner's:
Same day dry cleaning - all garments ready in 48 hours
Road sign:
Turn right for the Fairy Glen. Beware of heavy lorries
At the zoo:
Please do not feed the elephants. If you have any peanuts or buns give them to the keeper on duty.
In an office:
After teabreak staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
On a church door:
'This is the gate of Heaven. Enter Ye all by this door.' (This door is kept locked because of the draught. Please use side door.)
Outside a furniture shop:
Our motto: We promise you the lowest prices and workmanship
Sign in a German cafe:
Mothers, please wash your hans before eating
Outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
In a grocery shop:
Try our local butter. Nobody can touch it
In a Chinese restaurant:
If you are satisfactory please tell your friends. If you are not satisfactory please tell the waiter
Outside a farm:
Cattle please close gate
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow
Outside a photographer's studio:
Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also
Sign on a farm gate:
Dogs found worrying will be shot
In a restaurant:
Customers who find our waiting staff rude should see the manager
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Outside a smart shop:
No children aloud
Seen outside a travel agency:
Why don't you go away?
Notice in a pet shop:
Birds going cheep!
Outside a disco:
Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome
Sign in a picture shop:
Let us put you in the picture and frame you
In an electrical shop:
Why smash your plates washing up? Let one of our dishwashers do it for you
Sign at a garden fete:
Baby show. All entries to be handed in at the gate
In a cafe window:
Waitresses required for breakfast
Found in a butcher's shop:
These scales are accurate no two weighs about it
Seen in a shop selling calculators and computers:
You can always count on us
Notice in restaurant:
Our cutlery is not medicine so please do not take it after meals
Seen in an American department store at Christmas:
Visit Santa's grotto. No waiting - we're the only store in New York with three Santas
Seen at an American undertaker's:
Oscar's Funeral Parlour - where you'll always find a smile
Notice in a London park:
No walking, sitting or playing on the grass in this pleasure parK
Seen in a Coventry Factory:
Any member of staff who needs to take the day off to go to a funeral must warn the foreman on the morning of the match
Sign warning of quicksand:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
Sign in a chemist's shop:
We dispense with accuracy
Spotted in a garden centre:
Up these steps for the sunken garden
Sign on a newly painted bench:
Wet paint. Watch it or wear it
Seen in a watch shop:
Please wait patiently to be served. I only have two hands
Notice in the window of a fabric shop:
Repairs and alterations done here. Dying arranged
Road sign:
Steeple Bumstead:
Left 3 miles
Right 3 miles
Straight ahead 3 miles
Sign outside pet shop:
No dogs allowed
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of
Spotted in a Blackpool guest house:
Hot and cold running in all rooms
Notice in Keighley restaurant:
From Monday our catering assistants will be pleased to serve customers to the vegetables
Seen outside a fire station:
Fire Station - No Smoking
Notice on Norfolk village shop:
Half-day closing all day Wednesday
Sign in London pizza parlour:
Open 24 hours - except 2 a.m. - 8 a.m.
Seen outside dancing academy:
Please mind the steps
Sign on motorway garage:
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car
Circus poster:
Biffo Brothers' Circus, featuring Marvo, the Strongest Man in the World. In town all weak
Sign outside a church in Hemel Hempstead:
The last world war. Where and when will it be fought? St. Margaret's, Hartford Street on Tuesday 22nd February at 7:00 p.m.
Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor
Sign in a tea shop:
Today's special. Pot of tea with stones and jam, 1.00
Spotted in a golf club:
Golfers please do not drink and drive
Seen in a college:
This week's lecture: Underwater Life by Peter Fish
Notice in hairdresser's window:
Stylist wanted. Good pay and fringe benefits
Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
Sign at the tennis club:
Would spectators please be quiet during matches and let the players raise a racquet
Spotted at the railway station:
Passengers are asked not to cross the lines - it takes ages for us to uncross them again
Notice at the zoo:
Children found straying will be sent to the lion enclosure
Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons
Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
Sign in office block:
Lift out of order. Please use elevator
Traffic sign:
Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left
Notice in church hall:
Electrical specialist will be here on Thursday morning to show parishioners how to wire plugs and make small repairs. Followed by a light lunch
Sign spoted in farmyard:
Manure for sale. Bring your own bucket
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below
Sign in a Japanese hotel:
Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers
Sign in Swiss hotel:
Do you wish to change in Zurich? Do so at the hotel bank!
Sign in Italian hotel:
Do not adjust yor light hanger. If you wish more light see manager
Sign in Australian hotel:
In case of fire please do your utmost to alarm the hall porter
Sign in French hotel:
In the event of fire the visitor, avoiding panic, is to walk down the corridor to warn the chambermaid
Sign outside a French cafe:
Persons are requested not to occupy seats in this cafe without consuming
Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shout, `room service!'.
Sign in Portsmouth:
Patel Brothers Builders - You've tried the Cowboys, now try the Indians

Saturday, February 25, 2006

So what should i have done...?

I was on my way to sound control to buy some strings for my mates bass for him, as i went throught the subway a guy stopped me and asked if i had a moment to help a homeless man. Well he was polite enough and (unfortunately) seemed genuine enough, at least by his attire,lack of personal hygeine and the odour, so i asked what i could do. "oh, well if you could spare 20,30,80 pence for a bag of chips?" Well, the money I had was not mine (for the strings) and the other change i had £1.20 i needed for the bus, so i was left with maybe a quid. But so many times I've been told you shouldn't give money to people on the streets because although you may think you're helping them, they may use the money to fund other things less wholesome than food. So i said i was sorry but i didn't have anything to give him, he just looked a bit downtrodden and apologised for bohering me and walked away. Well, what could i do? If there was anywhere to get food from nearby that i knew of i would have happily gone and brought him something but there wasn't any. How could i have helped him? the bible says tht we should help the poor, Its talked about loads in there. What's worse is that Jesus himself says that "Whatever you do (or don't) for the least of my people, that you do (or don't) unto me" so how could I face Jesus and say, sorry, i didn't give that guy some money so I let you go hungry for another day!? Well, I don't know, its so hard to know what's right, but I feel so bad. I'm sorry.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Reaching Out

One thing I've always said, I've always wanted to do, is to make a difference. Not for myself, not so I stand out, become famous or anything but I just want to make a difference In this world. And at the moment it feels like the only difference is that I occupy a small section of Matt sized space that would otherwise be taken up by someone more worthy, yet of simillar stature. I don't know what it is that I want to do exactly, well I do, but I don't really know what that is (if you follow me?) basically, I want to fulfill my purpose, you know find my "meaning in life". There is a petra song that talks about basically what Bob (founder, guitarist,songriter and exceptionally cool dude) and the rest of the band see as their desire in life (if you're so interested (unlikely i know) and want to see the whole of the lyrics look up "believer in deed" by petra) Well thats me, i want people to be able to look at me and say that too, and (as the song says in the bridge) i want to be able to look back on my own life and say "...I wouldn't live my life any other way." Well ok, so like i'm not even 19 yet hopefully i've got a few more years until I reach my "three score and ten" but still, If i could even have these few years again there are so many other opportunites I should have taken, yes there are loads of mistakes i would wish i hadn't done too but I'm not thinking about that, I'm talking about not missign out on opportunites, I'm talking about living my dreams, and these are dreams that unfortunately are becoming more vague. There aren't many people I talk to about my dreams, my real ones, and i'm not going to go into them all now. Some you could probably guess, others would just seem wierd but I want to make a differnce, I guess that would sum up most of them.
But what that is, I don't know, and how i'm going to do it is even further beyond me but sitting here talking about it isn't going to help much, but seemingly neither is going away from here, coz' when i do I still don't make any difference. What can I do? What Should I do? Or should I just concede that I'm me, I'm now, and be content? But then nothing would ever get done.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


Down with the lagerboy chav!

Monday, February 13, 2006

How cool does the talmud want to be?!

The talmud is like part of the Jewish holy scriptures, (for want of a better explanation) its full of all the things that rabbi's and people have said over the centuries, this is but one example showing that religious scripture can have a sense of humour!

“If one man says to thee, ''Thou art a donkey',' pay no heed. If two speak thus, purchase a saddle."


Thursday, February 09, 2006


Anyway since i still can't just gonna tell all you people from NBHS if you haven't already got your A-level cirtificates then apparently they're being sent back to the exam board soon so if you want them better go gett'em! If not it costs tonnes to get them back, just making sure you all know! see ya!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


How cool are these?!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Islam, oOoOOh, gotta be careful what i say here!!

Well today was our visit to a mosque. Less thought provoking than the buddhist centre but with one comment the host really did put his foot in it with the wrong crowd!! I think he thought we all wanted converting to Islam or something so he went flying off on issues of doctrine until he come to the point of: "islam is the only true way to God..." aah, right, his analogy was something like; there are many roads and ways into london but the quickest, most straight forward and surest way to get there is on the motorway, so it is with Islam and Allah" Hmmm, well, maybe you should rethink that a bit mate. He had no substance to any of his statements, just blurted them out "i'm right, i'm only speaking the truth, i don't need to justfiy myself to you" he then, completely unprompted, starts his "attack" on christianity, he obviously has a history with it and doesn't like it but goes on to say how apparently Jesus never meant that he was the son of God when he said he was (well why on earth would he say it otherwise?!?!) and also he didn't die. He said Islam is a religion for all people, all the others were just leading up to Islam, the "ulitmate faith" all others are wrong and corrupt but true Islam is the only way. I sat all through that stratching my beard, because that was all just too wierd, but also withstanding the urge to beat him about the head with a large, blunt and very heavy object. Fine believe what you believe if you have to, ok i understand that if you do that then it will inevitably conflict with what i believe, but don't go shoving it down my throat with your "holier than thou" attitude telling me i'm wrong when actually, i'm right!

Ok, if you know me, you know i was just being sarcastic with that last little bit, although yes thats what i believe but i really hope i don't come accross like that, do i?! He went on talking about amny other things, none of which i found very convincing, i like to think that i can be tolerant of other beliefs but also hold true to my own faith, but one thing you cannot do, is tell people they're wrong at least without any clear reasoning. -.- maybe you can tell i'm annoyed, well thats how i feel, i hate being told what to believe and i can see why so many other people hate it too, and many times christians can be as bad, if not worse than other people. But please, put my mind at rest, am i ever like that?!?!


Well for some reason i can't post on the group blog, when i click "create" it takes me to a sign in page and no matter how many times i try it never lets me in, just like keeps refreshing the page! Anyhoo, so i'll post this here instead;

For Lovers of inane computer stuff when you have so much free time you don't know what to do with yourself, or fir those interested in studying A.I., here's a wonderful and addictive example called eliza:


Its like <50k to download so it only takes a second or so and it'll keep you amused for about that same time too. But it can be rather funny. It was an initial attempy at artificial intelligence. Needless to say, they didn't succeed! It takes the form of a personal therapist but it never comes to any conclusion as to your original problem, if anything it just makes it worse! But still, its kinda funny if you say the right things, you get to work out its responses after a while but eventually you can try and make it say new things. Meh, give it a go if you're bored, its more A.S. (actual stupidity) than A.I.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Boldly go where i've never been before....

To the BBC (birmingham buddhist centre)
They're all a bit funny them buddhists aren't they? Alot of what they say makes sense, a lot seems good and noble, but i lot seems a bit confused maybe? A faith with no faith its been called before, all about the self and relation to others yet becoming separate from all that at the same time. : $!!!
I don't know, its not for me. They made us do some meditation, that was a bit freaky, why meditate on nothing? Or on yourself, why not focus it to a higher purpose, even buddhists believe in "gods"yet they don't seem to relate to them. That buddah, sits there on his lotus flower apparently achieved perfect enlightenment, and therefore blisfully unawares or at least separated from the reality of those around. What's so good about that!? I know he's not the buddhist "god" but surely it would be better to have a God who has lived a life to all points and therefore understands it fully. Not only that, but one who remembers that and therefore desires not to transcend us, but to become part of us, in the very nature even of a child, Knowing complete and utter dependance, growing through childhood, and teenage years knowing all the thoughts feelings and emotions that face people at tht age of change and confusion. then to an adult making himself in the very nature of a servant, completely at the mercy of the people whom he created. Sharing still in our joys and pain and happiness, and although fully knowing that all these things in this life will pass, giving a promise not of blissfull ingnorance within the self, but of completeness in Him.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Wow, its been a while, my connection has been down since friday and is only just working properly. Apparently someone decided to "borrow" one of the transmitters from out of the halls. What on earth would posess someone to do that?! But anyway, evidently they have a new one, or got the old one back and so here i am. In danger of over spending as i now have once again far too easy access to ebay and other such places. However, i do have a need for it right now. My computer, which was around at about the same time as man invented the wheel, is in need of a new, well, everything. I've been gradually building up some new bits, new grpahics card, RAM, hard disk, decent peripherals etc (although i still do have a monitor the size of ben nevis!) and of course most importantly, decent speakers!!! well anyway, today holds the final few hours of my completion of my "frankinstein" machine with the motherboard and cpu, i've never had a cpu above 233mhz before,and this is a 1.1 ghz!!!!! well, yea i know its not the fastest and has been superceded many times already but at the moment its all can afford but it'll be better than what i have now! So now all i need is a dvd player and if funds will stretch, a nice new 17" tft. Well, one can only hope!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Descartes (DAY-CART)

Sorry, english Language people will have to correct my phonetics, but that's how his name is said anyway!
Right well, Descartes was a philosopher trying to prove a lot of things, he took on a negative attitude towards all things in an attempt to find a fundamental beginning to everything (i.e. a "theory" of everything) the only problem with this is that one of these cannot really exist if, for example, i one day stumbled accross such a theory, "today everybody, matthew marshall has found a universal theory that can be applied to all science, he has won a nobel prize and will be forever remembered as the greatest thinker who ever lived" (not that i wouldn't be anyway!) well, say my theory of everything is: Y=3n/(4GLV)2 (as a disclaimer, if this actually DOES turn out to be the theory of everything, then i thought of it first ok!? so : p to you mr Hawking!!!) Anyway, point is if this WAS the theory, you'd still need a theory, or some form of working out what n, G, L and V were and indeed what are their components, and thus begins the never ending cycle that Descartes forund himself in, yet he didn't want a scientific formula but instead it would suffice for him merely to understnd the full and basic nature of life, not much to ask! So through his studies he asked questions like: "Is this chair really here, or is it just a perception?" to try and get to fundamental basics or what we can "know" for certain. Overall he concluded that one could never know everything, especially other people's perceptions of things (which was another major part of his work) I.e. if i look at my guitar i see red, yet someone else may see it as what i perceive to be blue, however to them that has always been red and will always be, but we will never know. So instead his only truth that he could fathom, to his overall question of "is life REAl" is that what he knew was all he could be sure of, the fact that he thought was his only freedom, he knew he thought, he knew for "certain" that what went on in his head is in many ways unconfined by the outside world and therfore free from the posibility that it is only a perception and not actually real. So to console himself, and to convince himself that he DOES actually exist he concluded: I think, therefore I am.

Well, at least thats how i understodd it, but reading it back it makes no sense, maybe we need another deep thinking session in the pub again gaz! Or if anybody else knows more about this than i do, feel free to correct me!!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Western Philosophy

WoW! New module today and man is it cool, i had brain ache after only 10 minutes! in one lecture we went over all the really cool philosophy bits (not sure what that leaves for the rest of the term, but anyhoo) We did some Descartes; "I think therefore i am" (or: "I'm pink, therefore i'm spam") we did all the fun; Is this chair here or not? am i just a brain in a jar? What are we sure of? Reductionism (gaz!) Virtue, the nature of the mind (what is mind? It doesn't matter, what is matter? Never mind) am i just a biological computer, or is everyone else just computers and i'm the only one capable of conscious thought? ARGH! but it is very cool, well at least i think it is.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

"Sugar, do do do do do do...

...Oh Honey Honey do do do do do"

I've just devoured my way through a whole packet of haribo starmix (the ones with a bit of everything in; jelly rings, cola bottles(without peas in!)foam hearts, gummy bears, fried eggs...) and now i'm on a complete sugar high. Its my second packet in as many days and i'm sure that many e-numbers can't be good for you. I think i'm a sugar junkie, addicted to it, i get cravings when i haven't got any so i HAVE to go out and buy it, if i haven't got any money, i eat it out of my sugar bag (not that its got that bad yet), i can't go into a shop lately without buying it, argh help!! I think i must have a sweet tooth, or a whole set of sweet dentures, and curiously enough i also have cravings for jack daniels, not that i've ever tried it, but it looks so nice and appealing and the bottle looks cool, i want some, yet that really IS too expensive its like £12. I also have other stranger and more dangerous cravings that i find myself indulging far too often lately especially internet shopping, what's worse is when they tempt you by sending you free "£5 off" vouchers, knowing for-well that that will only cover the postage costs, yet still it entices you in. I've started LOTR again too, the first time i read it i skipped the foreword "concerning hobbits" but as i read it i got the curious urge to walk around bear foot (nothing unusual maybe) have a good mug of ale (again something i am accustomed to)and then smoke a long pipe full of the finest weed in the southfarthing. What is all that about?!?! How does he make it so appealing?! Anyway, next time i go into a tobacconists i'll se if they can supply me with an ounce of old toby, what a night that will be; Sugar highs, drinking whisky and smoking weed!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A very thought provoking and philosophical poem...

I wish I were a Glow-worm.

Glow-Worm's are never Glum.

How could you be glum,

When the sun shines out your *Ahem*!

Monday, January 02, 2006


Dad has a new wireless keyboard, just checking it works! haven't been here for a while, not that i've been busy, its just been so uneventful, or events have happened that you really would want to listen to, same old same old really. So i feel rather unfulfilledthis (SPACEBaR DOESN't work and capslock, obviously!) year, there aren't even copious ammounts of turkey left for sandwitches for the next two months. Thanks for my present laura (if you're reading this) and all the cards from everybody else, thy were all good. Oh well. Oh right, i never thought this day would come, it doesn't feel quite real, idon't think that it has properly sunk in that, i will NEVER see petra!!! :'''''''( NEVER! As of the 31st of december 2005, petra stopped touring, stopped recording, stopped EVERYTHING, there is no PETRA :''(
I sent Bob a congratulatory e-mail on 33 years of excellence and he said he had a good time last night, i also asked him if he still had may guitars for sale, i really want one, do you think it would be a good idea to spend some of my next installment of student loan on one? : /

Monday, December 19, 2005

Someone after my own heart...

I didn't write this but man its what i want, now all i need is someone to go with me:

"run away with me.
I think we need to get away. Just you and I, somewhere far away from either of our "here"s. We both have been longing for human conact, a connection that simply can't be brought about through phone lines and computer systems. We need the time away from the things that we do on such a regular basis: the e-mail, the phone calls, the fax this, fax that routine. There should be no applications between us, just air -- clean and crisp -- that floats and sways invisibly around us.

Let's pretend we have no responsibilities and actually postpone them for a few days. Let's hide for a bit from the evils of the world. Let's run away and pretend we're the only ones that matter.

We'll walk and nap and sleep and dream. We can tell stories and talk about the funny foot-patterns left in freshly vacuumed carpet. I'd love to hear stories from your childhood -- you know, the ones about the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. I want to hear about your favorite memory. And I'll tell you about mine. It's about sharing.

I'll cook. (And if that doesn't convince you to steal away with me for a while, I don't know what will.) I'll even try something new. You name it. It'll be the best you've ever had.

Neither of us will have to write all weekend, nor answer the telephone. We can unplug it. It will be grand. We might attain perfect silence, at least for a second. I won't bring a laptop if you won't.

Let's go to the woods, where the air is crisp and cool. The city-life has dulled our senses and sped up our routines. We'll get a cabin. I'll take the couch and you can have the bed. It's got a down comforter, I'm sure.

And if the nights are cold, we can light a fire in the fireplace and drink ourselves silly. We can dance and spin and twirl around the room, if you'd like. And then we can pass out with smiles on our faces.

We'll curl up in each other's arms and be happy that we have someone to curl up with. We'll remember what it feels like to be truly alive.

We don't have to be in love to do this. All we need is the desire to connect and the desire to get away.

So, what's stopping us?"

What's stopping me? Nobody seems to understand, plus, nobody will let me get far enough away. I've had enough of "here" i need some space. Anybody want to run away with me?

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Quick question....

Christmas party, umm, well if i can go, i'll be late is that ok? and if i do go, the person who i'm buying fer' probably wont have their present since it hasn't come yet, that ok too?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Time is relative....

Gaz, have you completed your plans on creating a time machine yet? I don't suppose you've discovered a way of making energy by chance have you? Well if you do some time soon, could i borrow it for a bit?
I've been thinking, wasn't it all just so much easier when all we had to do was a bit of coursework? Just had to put up with Dr. Lewis for an hour a day and then spend the rest of our time playing cards and cutting out snowflakes?
I remember the old times, how things used to be (i sound like an old man!) "when i wasa lad, we used to have to walk fifteen miles to school, in the rain and the snow, wi' no shoes, then, go t'work fer eighteen hours and had to pay mill' owner sixpence ha'penny fer privelidge of workin' in t'mill.. .." (works best wia' yorkshire accent)
Oh man, i should really stop dreaming, i do it all the time, i try and find outlets for my wandering mind, music, writing songs, writing a book (its really bad!) never works though, anyway, point is, i'm kinda ill today, came home early from work and everything so wont be going t' pub, sorry.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Group Work

Doesn't Work!!
We have a presentation to give tomorrow, has to be done in pairs, but, as per usual, nobody wanted to go with me and there's an odd number of people in the class. So i was left on my own and had to make up a three, much to the annoyance of the other two who have decided to take it upon themselves to let me get on and do the work while they just sit back and prat about. So last week, since my other attempts had never succeeded, i asked if they would both want to come to my room and go over the work so far and give it a runthrough "yea sure" they said, "we'll be there at half one" well half one came, and they didn't. An hour and a half later they both fell into my room (literally) both completely off their faces drunk but still determined to finish off the work, yea right! so after they'd pulled my photo's off the wall, sat on and scratched my guitar, trod on my printer and generally messed up my room they left, leaving me to do it again. They said they'd come back today to do the work and, well they did, over an hour late again, and brought some friends with them, so instead of doing work they sat and talked to them. So here i am again, being taken advantage of and shown up because i've not been able to do what i wanted to or know anything about so the work reflects nothing of me or my ability its just all going to suck so bad, i hate it, why does this always happen? it ALways used to be the same and now its happening all over again, i've been pushed into that corner again, i've already been labelled the quiet one in the class, the one who nobody wants to talk to or work with, all the mature students feel sorry for me and try and come and talk to me but you can tell because its only out of pitty, they don't really want to talk to me, i'd rather they left me alone instead of being false with me. We did a psychometrc test last week, determining our personality types and that didn't help, my results made me the most boring person in the class, the lowest of the minority, now thats all that everybody knows of me, just when i thought i was comfortable where i was, i don't know anymore.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Now all i need is the toga....

"Si Deus, non est comprehendis. Si comprehendis, non est deus" wow, i'm just a regular old socrates, i wear sandals (even in the snow!) study philosophy/theology and now i know some latin! anybody know what it means? Well, its a description of the nature of God, rather accurate i think too;
"if its God, you won't understand it. If you understand it, its not God"
how cool is that?!
Well i think so anyway!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Look at me, i have the internet agan!

For the last few days i've been without the joys of online, well, anything! since the IT people thought it would be fun to screw with the wireless transmitters, but now, obviously i'm back again! Ahh, its been so annoying without it, but the connection is no better so still no msn messenger. Oh well, guess its better than nothing. Well, just thought i'd inform you all!! Catch you later!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

For the Nerd Within

There are 10 types of people in this world;
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Monday, November 21, 2005

No more Getting older

Right, that's it, i've decided; i'm, not going to grow up any more. i'm, going to be a veritable peter pan, infact i want to go back even further and be a kid again. Innocence, what a beautiful thing to be shattered by the world we live in today. it sucks. So now i want to make sure i don't get any older. Why would anyone want to grow up anyway? You study for years, learning pointless and completely usesless infomation that only equips yout to learn even more pointless things and nothing of any practical use. you get a job to pay for things, fine, but why have money in the first place? who's idea was that!? i bet it was some rich guy, just wanting to keep himself secure even at the expense of others. why do i have to do this? what says that myonly options are either study, or work? isn't there just so much more to life, of course there is, but it costs money, so to get that you have to work, meaning you have to study, but once you get a job you spend all your time earning the money and paying tax that you never get a chance to do anything with it other than go and earn more only to spend it on things!? I just want to run away somewhere, leave all this behind, go and live in my own little world away from pressures and responsibilities, money, people and society. make a respectable living from making my own food and belongings but just enjoying my life, not just having to squeeze little fun bits in here and there but have to go back to the mundane day to day reality of the so called "real world"
Well the real world is out there, but most people can't see it , they're too blinded byt his concept of work to live/live to work. Why?! why do we have to do this? isn't life more than that, there is so much more than this, there has to be. where is the time to enjoy the beauty around us, where is the space to reflect and find yourself? why are there never enough hours in the day, days in the week, years in our lives?
But could i leave it all behind? My family, my friends, my things? if i could, would i? sure i would, for a bit, until i started missing people, places, things. But there's no reason why that would change, people are here to enjoy being around eachother, that's why there's so many of us and we're all so diverse, but yet again, life like this gets in the way of all that, how often have i seen you all? how often do i spend with people, my family? how often to i get to enjoy nature, have enough time to stop and enjoy a sunset. See the waves. gaze at the stars? I don't, theres always something else, something that someone tells me is "more important" who is it that tells me its more important, and who are they to prioratise my life!? I have essays in for a few weeks, and until i do them i have all this pressure hanging over me "got to get it done, got to finish it, got to read around the subject" and once i do get it done, what happens? they give me even more to do! this sounds like a rage about "the man" well, if it is, this is me stickin' it to the man! who set these thingsa in order? who said my choices have to be so limited, why is my life already planned out ofr me so narrowly even before its really even begun!? so i'm like a quarter of the way through already, a quarter of my life, and what have i done? what can i say i have achieved? what difference have i made?! Now, bigger question, given an open chance, open decisions, if someone said i could do anything i want, would i have spent the last eighteen years any differently?
I don't know.
i don't even know who i am anymore, i just feel so squashed, i want to break free, be free and fly away.
Oh man i'm screwed up

Friday, November 18, 2005

I'm going HOME!

Yay! i get to sleep in my own bed, not that its that comfortable but the one here feels strange and i don't like the little foil packets that lurk under the matress. : /
anyway, its best not to think about that!
i haven't really got much to put here, i'm kind of wasting time, i'm waiting to be picked up but in the mean time i can't be bothered to do any work. Playing on funny old dos games that i've downloaded, thats fun, reminds me of childhood, when i was more computer literate than i am now! i used to be able to program from dos and now i get lost in XP!!
Oh, there goes t'internet connection again, oh no i'm back! if this ever gets published i supposed you wont be any more enlightened than you would be if it hadn't. oh well. I've spent ages listening to my Iona CD, they're so cool if ever you're in a spaced out mellow mood, they're like an irish folk, prog rock, techno, heavy metal fusion, groovy! Have you ever heard of the island of Iona, i'm going to go there one day, its one of my minor life ambitions, but probably one of my only achieveable ones! (others include being able to fly, playing a huge gig infront of thousands of people, shooting a "darkness style" video on top of a cliff, oh and being able to play guitar!)
And talking about being spaced out, i have just the thing to make my room a chill house (i haven't actually got it yet, i'm working on it for a christmas present!), you ever heard of a laserpod? its like a suped up lava lamp, with lazers and LED's!!!! you can get them from firebox.com (another AMAZING invention) but they're cheaper on ebay (the scourge of student loans) i've spent tonnes of money that i haven't got on those two sites, grr, why oh why did they invent online shopping!!! its just TOO CONVENIENT!!!

Sunday, November 13, 2005


Sorry, was pressing the shift key!, 21 comments!maybe i should start a new post (oh look, i already have!), the last was turning into a bit of a forum! well about my friends situation, i don't know when i would have been seen surrounded by girls! i do have some friends now. We went into town and watched the lights being switched on, that was good, just very cold!!! we got to listen to big brova's (bangin' innit!) maybe i was talking to some people, when your informant saw me, i don't know, i do talk to people, just not very often and not much more than "how's the assignments going?" mostly.
Man this is a strange weekend! i went to the bar on friday night because they're closing it, i made some more friends then, they made me dance though!!!! i didn't mind so much the 70's disco or even the Bonjovi ("WOOOAH!....(somebody finish it off for me...)") but the happy hardcore rave stuff, i don't think so! (big fish, small fish, cardboard box, big fish, small fish.....) I'm now on my own again though, which i don't mind so much, i'm not feeling very sociable since i didn't sleep after friday night until gone 4a.m. and then walking around brum all yesterday till 9p.m. i'm cream crackered! but now i really am living the student life, i now have £4 'nd nine p'nce to live off next week, i have no milk or bread or cereal and the bus into town is £1.10 each way, hehe! this'll be fun!!! i could go to the corner shop but thats expensive, there is a cool cheap shop on the estate next to college, but its advised to only go there during the day and under armed escort! oh well, i'll have to live off all my dehydrated packets of food and beans on toast...without the toast. : /

Sunday, November 06, 2005


I'm not coming home next week!
somebody stole my job at work so i'm not needed there and so i decided to have a whole weekend here, to try and settle and actually make some friends! (not that that's ever gonna happen!) not that this really affects any of you particularly, anyway, at least i feel like i'm having some sort of discourse with someone since the only words i've shared with anyone since i've got back was a kind of half hearted "hey, how's it goin'?" with paul next door, he's not very talkative anyway, well not with me. My fingers are all covered in black metallic stuff, if you really wanted to know? i've brought back one of my proper guitars and my amp and i have discovered the joy (but also expense!) of metal plectrums £1.50 each!!!!! but they are fun! side effects include black metallic stuff on your fingers though, i guess its where the strings rub it off. now i look like i have a bionic thumb. very weird. anyway, there you go. I'm tired, you can probably tell can't you. Meh. I'm off to bed. Goodnight. God bless. <><

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I'm going to court!

I got a letter telling me that i may have to go to court and pay a fine of over £1000!!!!!
I haven't got a tv license see, and apprently thats illegal, ok fine, you got me that would be IF I HAD A TV!!!!!!!!!!
According to their records my address is unlicensed and unless i pay them £126.50 they're going to "send the boys round" with their special detection van (i wondered why that pizza delivery truck was outside for so long)
So anyway, i thought it highly amusing that i'm under investigation for a criminal offence that i'm not even commiting!
If you ever get one of these letters i don't think they're written very politely, especially when i haven't even done anyting wrong, get this:
"Put simply, if you need a TV license for this address and neglect or forget to buy one, you are risking prosecution and a maximum fine of £1000. This is in addition to court costs, and of course the £126.50 of the tv license you should have brought in the first place." oh well, get you! mr tv man. : p nanananana ~blowing raspberry noises~ I've been passed onto the "enforcement division" well you know what? I couldn't give a monkey's! why do i need a license if i haven't got a TV!? they should really get their facts straight before they go around branding me a criminal, stupid TV laws! Who made you boss anyway!? i didn't vote for you!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

"gime? whats a gime?...Oh! a GIME!"

I spelt it kinda phonamoletically to enhanse its comedy value, however if you haven't experienced that episode of the simpsons i'm talking about the GYM.

Yea, i joined the gym, well since i have no need to enhance my muscularly toned fully masculine physique (Why are you laughing?!) i thought maybe it would be a good place to meet more people, WRONG! so i've just waisted more money, that could have been spent on my drumkit/amp/new guitar/effects pedal that i'm going to buy! meh, only money, plus its only BORROWED money, so its not even mine! still its kinda fun on my own. got a blister today from the rowing machine (i was working so hard on it!) and now it hurts :'''( its in the most auquard (i've NEVER been able to spell that word, someone tell me how to please!) place; middle finger, right hand, bottom of the finger in the inside, so everytime i go to close my hand, pick something up etc. it squeezes it and it hurts :'''( ~vain attmept at looking for sympathy~ its gonna burst soon, i can just tell, oh wont that be fun, oh and i'm sure you wanted to know that!

Wow, a post about blisters, my imagination has REALLY gone down hill lately. oh well off to bed in a bit, goodnite, God bless

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Hey guys!

How's it going? i feel cheery for some reason, i don't really know why, well i do, but if i say most of you won't understand (yet!) but i hope you will one day (ooh, sounds ominous!) but its the greatest thing ever, and no i haven't just had sex, believe me this is MUCH better! (not that i've had sex yet but hey lets not go there!) AAAAAAAAnyhoo, party was fun, shame i had to go though, everyone had a good (probably better!) time once i left? ladida, ahh well here i am back at uni again. Its getting better but its still hard work making friends, i went to mass again for really the simple reason, to meet people, but in the process i think i decided catholicism really isn't for me, some parts sure i agree with, but that's nothing the other churches couldn't adopt had they some vision, but alas, why can't everyone just agree on everything !!!! anyway, no definately not catholicism, not at uni anyway, no drums! i had my first go on the drums today at church, in the service! ahh so much fun!!! i HAVE to get a set of tubs! but money, oh the scourge of well, the whole world, prevents me from obtaining such an instrument, and also the issue of nowhere to put them, i don't think my college room is quite big enough, but it would be SOO fun. I don't know, what do you reckon; a marshall 250 watt amp/a set of drums? i'd just go for both, if i had the cash, but at the moment, i can't have either. But WHY do i keep complaining about money. Flippin 'eck, if i went to some countries i'd be millionaire, earning more in an hour at my job than some people probably do in a week! and who cares about material possessions anyway, they're only fun for a bit, plus you can't take 'em with you. Right well, i think i've sufficiently emptied my brain of all its random thought processes for me to start formulating some more as i sleep; ok so something you may be slightly, possibly, remotely interested in; I hope you guys are all ok? it was cool seeing everyone again, just like old times (except the old times had less nurses uniforms) well at least he kept it on this time!!!! X O
was good though, missin' the old days, but i suppose we all move on, just make sure we all move on together! Let me know when we're next meeting, or like i always say, give me some advance notice and my college room door is always open to visitors! So there you go, randomness in a post, well it wouldn't be the first time! Have a good time guys, take it easy, have fun, be ready, and God bless <><

Friday, October 28, 2005


Mr Andy flan wrote this song not long after the tsunami in asia. Just a few months before he was working on an island, living alongside the people, helping, playing with the children. After, nearly all of the people he had met were dead, and the village destroyed....

Why does life have to be this fragile?
Why is there a death so close to birth?
Why does life have to be this fragile?
Here on earth.

The same waves that brought you crashing in with joy
Are the same waves that leave your universe destroyed
And the same sand that once warmed this white man’s toes
Makes graves for your silent flesh and bone.

Smiles that I will not forget
Joy that left me in your debt

Why does life have to be this fragile?
Why is there a death so close to birth?
Why does life have to be this fragile?
Here on earth.

The same air that once filled your life with breath
Same air brings the choking stench of death
Same nets that put food upon your plate
Lie cast like the die that sealed your fate

Reason here has lost its rhyme
And words feel empty at this time

Why does life have to be this fragile?
Why is there a death so close to birth?
Why does life have to be this fragile?
Here on earth.

The same man that the winds and waves obeyed,
Is the same man who was the first one to know pain
Same man could keep control of everything
Same man knows more than me about suffering

So calm this overwhelming force
As earth and heaven seem divorced.

But why does life have to be this fragile?
Why is there a death so close to birth?
Why does life have to be this fragile?
Here on earth.

©Andy Flannagan 2005

Thursday, October 20, 2005

A sad sad day

I went into brum t'other day to a couple of guitar shops, its ws lots of fun pretending to have loads of money (by checking out all the expensive gear, looking at the four figure price tags and saying "oh, thats a vry good price") and trying it all out, and of course, when they think you're out to spend, they let you turn it up as loud as you want! But alas, despite the facade, the only money i had in my pocket was just enough for the bus ticket home, i didn't even come out with a new plectrum! And guess what, it gets worse, even though i have to live off money that's not mine even now i'm gonna have to give up my job too, so that means no new guitars for at least another 4 years! how will i ever cope!? on average i've had two per year since i've started playing, not anymore :'''(

Friday, October 14, 2005

Are you bored?

If you haven't discovered sites like this one yet, well, you should! they're so much fun when you haven't got anything to do (i.e. when you're at uni!) i haven't tried all the games, but one i spent over an hour on last night (yea, i know i'm sad!) is black knight, try it, see if you can get past level 12! http://www.arcadetown.com

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

For all you're worth....

Hold on to life for all you're worth
You know He died for all you're worth
He loves you
You have the greatest value
He gave His life for all
For all you're worth

By this time you know the story
There's nothing there you haven't heard
You can cross the line of knowing
And your heart believing His Word
Do you think He brought you this far
Just to leave you wondering where and who you are
Just think back to where it began
Jesus called you name and then you just took His hand

Hold on to life for all you're worth
You know He died for all you're worth
He loves you
You have the greatest value
He gave His life for all
For all you're worth

Even gold still needs refining
Burning off impurities
Even diamonds grow in value
When they're cut so carefully
There's no life beyond His repair
You will find Him waiting just beyond a prayer
He invested all that He had
Don't you think it hurts Him inside to see you sad

Hold on to life for all you're worth
You know He died for all you're worth
He loves you
You have the greatest value
He gave His life for all
For all you're worth

He has His eye on you
You have the greatest value
He gave His life for all
For all you're worth
For all you're worth