A change of mind
I've been a bit, well, less than joyous lately to say the least. So i'm going to try and be a bit more positive today. I've got too many big decisions to make at the moment,lots to think about. The end of my first year at uni is nigh and to be honest it hsn't really been the greatest experience i've ever had. So what should I do? Carry on and just live with it? take a year (Or more) out and come back to it later? move uni's or just pack it all in all together?
Well, the last isn't really very sensible, that'll just be an even bigger waste of time , and well the first, I don't think would be the best either. I know this may sound very stupid, or just hopelssly romantic (hey i'm a renaissance man)but one of the main reasons for going where I did was 1. low grade offers,and 2. close to Rachel. Well, not the best made decision, thats what most of my family would say if they heard me say that, but its true, I thougt that it would make things easier for the two of us if we were closer, but guesswhat, now she's swanning off to York, bummer.
So, I'm at a bit of a loose end, where will I be after this summer? Well first lets consider this summer, I AM going to pass my driving test, its just getting stupid now, so even if i have to have a test every week for the next four months i'm going to do it. Then if I still have some cash left over i'm going to get some wheels and go off driving somewhere, i don't care where but anyway, thats what i want, and if i can afford one i'llbe getting, oh yes, a VW CAMPER!!!! however, this is not very likely, but very cool if i could. Failing that i'll be working this summer, but come september, well, lets see....
Option 1. Year out.
This would be cool, I've got contacts in the states; go out and work in a church, expeiencing the type of job i'd like to have, have a cross-cultural experience. Earn a bit of money when i'm back here, maybe travel a bit wider, a bit further just for the fun of it, but of course the bank balance is always a problem so i guess this'll all hav to be substuted with a good few months of hard graft. So that would be my year. But, would that be profitable? Some say yes,some say no, and some say DEFINATELY no, not mentioning any names. But anyway, this all makes the decisionprocess very hard. Yes i do think that i need to get away from home,live a little like i never have been able to before, but i could also do that with a uni transfer, for cheaper. The only think thats holding me back i think is th regrets, I feellike i've kind of wasted this year a bit,i don't want to do that again. But these decisions could potentially be life altering, would it be worth it, or would it be better to do it later?
Option 2. Transfer
Wel, i think this may happen sooner or later anyway, even if i did have a year out i would probably not go back to newman, but then where to go? well, to me its pretty obvious, a little further north, a very old walled city, famous for its viking museum. There would be no problem getting in there i don't think, and courses suit fine. But would it be right? Idon't know!!!! How can you know? When you're not sure about what you want to do or where you want to go how can you ever make an informed decision. Everything seems so good, so right, so do-able, but i can't do it all!!!!
I don't know what to do, i don't know how i can choose either, my mind gets made up but then changes so dramatically, i'm pulled in so many directions, where can i go!? well i'm not sure how long i hav to decide, but i've got so much to think about, i need to settle and get on with my life, its only just beginning, i don't want to screw it up. I just want to make the right decision for once.
But I guess i'm the only one who can decide that.
Any suggestions?
Well, the last isn't really very sensible, that'll just be an even bigger waste of time , and well the first, I don't think would be the best either. I know this may sound very stupid, or just hopelssly romantic (hey i'm a renaissance man)but one of the main reasons for going where I did was 1. low grade offers,and 2. close to Rachel. Well, not the best made decision, thats what most of my family would say if they heard me say that, but its true, I thougt that it would make things easier for the two of us if we were closer, but guesswhat, now she's swanning off to York, bummer.
So, I'm at a bit of a loose end, where will I be after this summer? Well first lets consider this summer, I AM going to pass my driving test, its just getting stupid now, so even if i have to have a test every week for the next four months i'm going to do it. Then if I still have some cash left over i'm going to get some wheels and go off driving somewhere, i don't care where but anyway, thats what i want, and if i can afford one i'llbe getting, oh yes, a VW CAMPER!!!! however, this is not very likely, but very cool if i could. Failing that i'll be working this summer, but come september, well, lets see....
Option 1. Year out.
This would be cool, I've got contacts in the states; go out and work in a church, expeiencing the type of job i'd like to have, have a cross-cultural experience. Earn a bit of money when i'm back here, maybe travel a bit wider, a bit further just for the fun of it, but of course the bank balance is always a problem so i guess this'll all hav to be substuted with a good few months of hard graft. So that would be my year. But, would that be profitable? Some say yes,some say no, and some say DEFINATELY no, not mentioning any names. But anyway, this all makes the decisionprocess very hard. Yes i do think that i need to get away from home,live a little like i never have been able to before, but i could also do that with a uni transfer, for cheaper. The only think thats holding me back i think is th regrets, I feellike i've kind of wasted this year a bit,i don't want to do that again. But these decisions could potentially be life altering, would it be worth it, or would it be better to do it later?
Option 2. Transfer
Wel, i think this may happen sooner or later anyway, even if i did have a year out i would probably not go back to newman, but then where to go? well, to me its pretty obvious, a little further north, a very old walled city, famous for its viking museum. There would be no problem getting in there i don't think, and courses suit fine. But would it be right? Idon't know!!!! How can you know? When you're not sure about what you want to do or where you want to go how can you ever make an informed decision. Everything seems so good, so right, so do-able, but i can't do it all!!!!
I don't know what to do, i don't know how i can choose either, my mind gets made up but then changes so dramatically, i'm pulled in so many directions, where can i go!? well i'm not sure how long i hav to decide, but i've got so much to think about, i need to settle and get on with my life, its only just beginning, i don't want to screw it up. I just want to make the right decision for once.
But I guess i'm the only one who can decide that.
Any suggestions?
posted by Freak | 25.4.06
2 Comments:
the only person who can make the decision for you is you.try to picture how you'd feel if you stayed at newmans for another 2/3 years,will you be any happier?? go with what you want to do. im sure you're family and rachel will support you whatever you decide to do as well as our group.joel's right, listen to your gut instinct. ~hugs~
You can't possibly look back at this year and see it as a waste, even though you haven't enjoyed it it has been an experience, and at the end of the day what more do you want from life?
The bad and the good, they all teach us things, and you taught me that even though we may not like them we grow because of them.
The future is the same, why worry about making a bad choice? Why care what anyone else thinks? Don't do this for other people Matt, because this life isn't theirs. You have to live it, and you should be enjoying it, so do what you enjoy.
If you make a bad choice, if you have another crappy year, then so what? That's just life.
Now i'm waffling. It's because it's so early!
~hugs~
Bet you will pass your next driving test!
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