Well i couldn't find i street sign, but i found tonnes of stupidly worded ones:

Well i did find one sign, but i didn't take it becasue i didn't think you'd appreciate a broken one; it was a "this sign is out of order" sign! X D


Outside a jeweller's shop:
Ears pierced while you wait
Outside an electrical store:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come in here!
Sign in a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
In a dress shop window:
Don't stand outside and faint - come in and have a fit
Sign in a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs
In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
Outside a farm:
Horse manure: 50p per pre-packed bag, 20p do-it-yourself
In the window of a dry cleaner's:
Same day dry cleaning - all garments ready in 48 hours
Road sign:
Turn right for the Fairy Glen. Beware of heavy lorries
At the zoo:
Please do not feed the elephants. If you have any peanuts or buns give them to the keeper on duty.
In an office:
After teabreak staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
On a church door:
'This is the gate of Heaven. Enter Ye all by this door.' (This door is kept locked because of the draught. Please use side door.)
Outside a furniture shop:
Our motto: We promise you the lowest prices and workmanship
Sign in a German cafe:
Mothers, please wash your hans before eating
Outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
In a grocery shop:
Try our local butter. Nobody can touch it
In a Chinese restaurant:
If you are satisfactory please tell your friends. If you are not satisfactory please tell the waiter
Outside a farm:
Cattle please close gate
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow
Outside a photographer's studio:
Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also
Sign on a farm gate:
Dogs found worrying will be shot
In a restaurant:
Customers who find our waiting staff rude should see the manager
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Outside a smart shop:
No children aloud
Seen outside a travel agency:
Why don't you go away?
Notice in a pet shop:
Birds going cheep!
Outside a disco:
Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome
Sign in a picture shop:
Let us put you in the picture and frame you
In an electrical shop:
Why smash your plates washing up? Let one of our dishwashers do it for you
Sign at a garden fete:
Baby show. All entries to be handed in at the gate
In a cafe window:
Waitresses required for breakfast
Found in a butcher's shop:
These scales are accurate no two weighs about it
Seen in a shop selling calculators and computers:
You can always count on us
Notice in restaurant:
Our cutlery is not medicine so please do not take it after meals
Seen in an American department store at Christmas:
Visit Santa's grotto. No waiting - we're the only store in New York with three Santas
Seen at an American undertaker's:
Oscar's Funeral Parlour - where you'll always find a smile
Notice in a London park:
No walking, sitting or playing on the grass in this pleasure parK
Seen in a Coventry Factory:
Any member of staff who needs to take the day off to go to a funeral must warn the foreman on the morning of the match
Sign warning of quicksand:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
Sign in a chemist's shop:
We dispense with accuracy
Spotted in a garden centre:
Up these steps for the sunken garden
Sign on a newly painted bench:
Wet paint. Watch it or wear it
Seen in a watch shop:
Please wait patiently to be served. I only have two hands
Notice in the window of a fabric shop:
Repairs and alterations done here. Dying arranged
Road sign:
Steeple Bumstead:
Left 3 miles
Right 3 miles
Straight ahead 3 miles
Sign outside pet shop:
No dogs allowed
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of
Spotted in a Blackpool guest house:
Hot and cold running in all rooms
Notice in Keighley restaurant:
From Monday our catering assistants will be pleased to serve customers to the vegetables
Seen outside a fire station:
Fire Station - No Smoking
Notice on Norfolk village shop:
Half-day closing all day Wednesday
Sign in London pizza parlour:
Open 24 hours - except 2 a.m. - 8 a.m.
Seen outside dancing academy:
Please mind the steps
Sign on motorway garage:
Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car
Circus poster:
Biffo Brothers' Circus, featuring Marvo, the Strongest Man in the World. In town all weak
Sign outside a church in Hemel Hempstead:
The last world war. Where and when will it be fought? St. Margaret's, Hartford Street on Tuesday 22nd February at 7:00 p.m.
Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor
Sign in a tea shop:
Today's special. Pot of tea with stones and jam, 1.00
Spotted in a golf club:
Golfers please do not drink and drive
Seen in a college:
This week's lecture: Underwater Life by Peter Fish
Notice in hairdresser's window:
Stylist wanted. Good pay and fringe benefits
Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
Sign at the tennis club:
Would spectators please be quiet during matches and let the players raise a racquet
Spotted at the railway station:
Passengers are asked not to cross the lines - it takes ages for us to uncross them again
Notice at the zoo:
Children found straying will be sent to the lion enclosure
Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons
Sign on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
Sign in office block:
Lift out of order. Please use elevator
Traffic sign:
Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left
Notice in church hall:
Electrical specialist will be here on Thursday morning to show parishioners how to wire plugs and make small repairs. Followed by a light lunch
Sign spoted in farmyard:
Manure for sale. Bring your own bucket
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below
Sign in a Japanese hotel:
Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers
Sign in Swiss hotel:
Do you wish to change in Zurich? Do so at the hotel bank!
Sign in Italian hotel:
Do not adjust yor light hanger. If you wish more light see manager
Sign in Australian hotel:
In case of fire please do your utmost to alarm the hall porter
Sign in French hotel:
In the event of fire the visitor, avoiding panic, is to walk down the corridor to warn the chambermaid
Sign outside a French cafe:
Persons are requested not to occupy seats in this cafe without consuming
Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shout, `room service!'.
Sign in Portsmouth:
Patel Brothers Builders - You've tried the Cowboys, now try the Indians

So what should i have done...?

I was on my way to sound control to buy some strings for my mates bass for him, as i went throught the subway a guy stopped me and asked if i had a moment to help a homeless man. Well he was polite enough and (unfortunately) seemed genuine enough, at least by his attire,lack of personal hygeine and the odour, so i asked what i could do. "oh, well if you could spare 20,30,80 pence for a bag of chips?" Well, the money I had was not mine (for the strings) and the other change i had £1.20 i needed for the bus, so i was left with maybe a quid. But so many times I've been told you shouldn't give money to people on the streets because although you may think you're helping them, they may use the money to fund other things less wholesome than food. So i said i was sorry but i didn't have anything to give him, he just looked a bit downtrodden and apologised for bohering me and walked away. Well, what could i do? If there was anywhere to get food from nearby that i knew of i would have happily gone and brought him something but there wasn't any. How could i have helped him? the bible says tht we should help the poor, Its talked about loads in there. What's worse is that Jesus himself says that "Whatever you do (or don't) for the least of my people, that you do (or don't) unto me" so how could I face Jesus and say, sorry, i didn't give that guy some money so I let you go hungry for another day!? Well, I don't know, its so hard to know what's right, but I feel so bad. I'm sorry.

Reaching Out

One thing I've always said, I've always wanted to do, is to make a difference. Not for myself, not so I stand out, become famous or anything but I just want to make a difference In this world. And at the moment it feels like the only difference is that I occupy a small section of Matt sized space that would otherwise be taken up by someone more worthy, yet of simillar stature. I don't know what it is that I want to do exactly, well I do, but I don't really know what that is (if you follow me?) basically, I want to fulfill my purpose, you know find my "meaning in life". There is a petra song that talks about basically what Bob (founder, guitarist,songriter and exceptionally cool dude) and the rest of the band see as their desire in life (if you're so interested (unlikely i know) and want to see the whole of the lyrics look up "believer in deed" by petra) Well thats me, i want people to be able to look at me and say that too, and (as the song says in the bridge) i want to be able to look back on my own life and say "...I wouldn't live my life any other way." Well ok, so like i'm not even 19 yet hopefully i've got a few more years until I reach my "three score and ten" but still, If i could even have these few years again there are so many other opportunites I should have taken, yes there are loads of mistakes i would wish i hadn't done too but I'm not thinking about that, I'm talking about not missign out on opportunites, I'm talking about living my dreams, and these are dreams that unfortunately are becoming more vague. There aren't many people I talk to about my dreams, my real ones, and i'm not going to go into them all now. Some you could probably guess, others would just seem wierd but I want to make a differnce, I guess that would sum up most of them.
But what that is, I don't know, and how i'm going to do it is even further beyond me but sitting here talking about it isn't going to help much, but seemingly neither is going away from here, coz' when i do I still don't make any difference. What can I do? What Should I do? Or should I just concede that I'm me, I'm now, and be content? But then nothing would ever get done.

Haha

Down with the lagerboy chav!

How cool does the talmud want to be?!

The talmud is like part of the Jewish holy scriptures, (for want of a better explanation) its full of all the things that rabbi's and people have said over the centuries, this is but one example showing that religious scripture can have a sense of humour!

“If one man says to thee, ''Thou art a donkey',' pay no heed. If two speak thus, purchase a saddle."

X D

WHY CAN'T I SIGN IN AND POST ON 18?!?!?!

Anyway since i still can't just gonna tell all you people from NBHS if you haven't already got your A-level cirtificates then apparently they're being sent back to the exam board soon so if you want them better go gett'em! If not it costs tonnes to get them back, just making sure you all know! see ya!

NEW SHOES!

How cool are these?!

Islam, oOoOOh, gotta be careful what i say here!!

Well today was our visit to a mosque. Less thought provoking than the buddhist centre but with one comment the host really did put his foot in it with the wrong crowd!! I think he thought we all wanted converting to Islam or something so he went flying off on issues of doctrine until he come to the point of: "islam is the only true way to God..." aah, right, his analogy was something like; there are many roads and ways into london but the quickest, most straight forward and surest way to get there is on the motorway, so it is with Islam and Allah" Hmmm, well, maybe you should rethink that a bit mate. He had no substance to any of his statements, just blurted them out "i'm right, i'm only speaking the truth, i don't need to justfiy myself to you" he then, completely unprompted, starts his "attack" on christianity, he obviously has a history with it and doesn't like it but goes on to say how apparently Jesus never meant that he was the son of God when he said he was (well why on earth would he say it otherwise?!?!) and also he didn't die. He said Islam is a religion for all people, all the others were just leading up to Islam, the "ulitmate faith" all others are wrong and corrupt but true Islam is the only way. I sat all through that stratching my beard, because that was all just too wierd, but also withstanding the urge to beat him about the head with a large, blunt and very heavy object. Fine believe what you believe if you have to, ok i understand that if you do that then it will inevitably conflict with what i believe, but don't go shoving it down my throat with your "holier than thou" attitude telling me i'm wrong when actually, i'm right!

Ok, if you know me, you know i was just being sarcastic with that last little bit, although yes thats what i believe but i really hope i don't come accross like that, do i?! He went on talking about amny other things, none of which i found very convincing, i like to think that i can be tolerant of other beliefs but also hold true to my own faith, but one thing you cannot do, is tell people they're wrong at least without any clear reasoning. -.- maybe you can tell i'm annoyed, well thats how i feel, i hate being told what to believe and i can see why so many other people hate it too, and many times christians can be as bad, if not worse than other people. But please, put my mind at rest, am i ever like that?!?!

A.I.

Well for some reason i can't post on the group blog, when i click "create" it takes me to a sign in page and no matter how many times i try it never lets me in, just like keeps refreshing the page! Anyhoo, so i'll post this here instead;

For Lovers of inane computer stuff when you have so much free time you don't know what to do with yourself, or fir those interested in studying A.I., here's a wonderful and addictive example called eliza:

http://www.dosgames.com/dl.php?filename=http://www.dosgames.com/files/eliza.zip

Its like <50k to download so it only takes a second or so and it'll keep you amused for about that same time too. But it can be rather funny. It was an initial attempy at artificial intelligence. Needless to say, they didn't succeed! It takes the form of a personal therapist but it never comes to any conclusion as to your original problem, if anything it just makes it worse! But still, its kinda funny if you say the right things, you get to work out its responses after a while but eventually you can try and make it say new things. Meh, give it a go if you're bored, its more A.S. (actual stupidity) than A.I.