Boldly go where i've never been before....

To the BBC (birmingham buddhist centre)
They're all a bit funny them buddhists aren't they? Alot of what they say makes sense, a lot seems good and noble, but i lot seems a bit confused maybe? A faith with no faith its been called before, all about the self and relation to others yet becoming separate from all that at the same time. : $!!!
I don't know, its not for me. They made us do some meditation, that was a bit freaky, why meditate on nothing? Or on yourself, why not focus it to a higher purpose, even buddhists believe in "gods"yet they don't seem to relate to them. That buddah, sits there on his lotus flower apparently achieved perfect enlightenment, and therefore blisfully unawares or at least separated from the reality of those around. What's so good about that!? I know he's not the buddhist "god" but surely it would be better to have a God who has lived a life to all points and therefore understands it fully. Not only that, but one who remembers that and therefore desires not to transcend us, but to become part of us, in the very nature even of a child, Knowing complete and utter dependance, growing through childhood, and teenage years knowing all the thoughts feelings and emotions that face people at tht age of change and confusion. then to an adult making himself in the very nature of a servant, completely at the mercy of the people whom he created. Sharing still in our joys and pain and happiness, and although fully knowing that all these things in this life will pass, giving a promise not of blissfull ingnorance within the self, but of completeness in Him.

hello

Wow, its been a while, my connection has been down since friday and is only just working properly. Apparently someone decided to "borrow" one of the transmitters from out of the halls. What on earth would posess someone to do that?! But anyway, evidently they have a new one, or got the old one back and so here i am. In danger of over spending as i now have once again far too easy access to ebay and other such places. However, i do have a need for it right now. My computer, which was around at about the same time as man invented the wheel, is in need of a new, well, everything. I've been gradually building up some new bits, new grpahics card, RAM, hard disk, decent peripherals etc (although i still do have a monitor the size of ben nevis!) and of course most importantly, decent speakers!!! well anyway, today holds the final few hours of my completion of my "frankinstein" machine with the motherboard and cpu, i've never had a cpu above 233mhz before,and this is a 1.1 ghz!!!!! well, yea i know its not the fastest and has been superceded many times already but at the moment its all can afford but it'll be better than what i have now! So now all i need is a dvd player and if funds will stretch, a nice new 17" tft. Well, one can only hope!

Descartes (DAY-CART)

Sorry, english Language people will have to correct my phonetics, but that's how his name is said anyway!
Right well, Descartes was a philosopher trying to prove a lot of things, he took on a negative attitude towards all things in an attempt to find a fundamental beginning to everything (i.e. a "theory" of everything) the only problem with this is that one of these cannot really exist if, for example, i one day stumbled accross such a theory, "today everybody, matthew marshall has found a universal theory that can be applied to all science, he has won a nobel prize and will be forever remembered as the greatest thinker who ever lived" (not that i wouldn't be anyway!) well, say my theory of everything is: Y=3n/(4GLV)2 (as a disclaimer, if this actually DOES turn out to be the theory of everything, then i thought of it first ok!? so : p to you mr Hawking!!!) Anyway, point is if this WAS the theory, you'd still need a theory, or some form of working out what n, G, L and V were and indeed what are their components, and thus begins the never ending cycle that Descartes forund himself in, yet he didn't want a scientific formula but instead it would suffice for him merely to understnd the full and basic nature of life, not much to ask! So through his studies he asked questions like: "Is this chair really here, or is it just a perception?" to try and get to fundamental basics or what we can "know" for certain. Overall he concluded that one could never know everything, especially other people's perceptions of things (which was another major part of his work) I.e. if i look at my guitar i see red, yet someone else may see it as what i perceive to be blue, however to them that has always been red and will always be, but we will never know. So instead his only truth that he could fathom, to his overall question of "is life REAl" is that what he knew was all he could be sure of, the fact that he thought was his only freedom, he knew he thought, he knew for "certain" that what went on in his head is in many ways unconfined by the outside world and therfore free from the posibility that it is only a perception and not actually real. So to console himself, and to convince himself that he DOES actually exist he concluded: I think, therefore I am.

Well, at least thats how i understodd it, but reading it back it makes no sense, maybe we need another deep thinking session in the pub again gaz! Or if anybody else knows more about this than i do, feel free to correct me!!

Western Philosophy

WoW! New module today and man is it cool, i had brain ache after only 10 minutes! in one lecture we went over all the really cool philosophy bits (not sure what that leaves for the rest of the term, but anyhoo) We did some Descartes; "I think therefore i am" (or: "I'm pink, therefore i'm spam") we did all the fun; Is this chair here or not? am i just a brain in a jar? What are we sure of? Reductionism (gaz!) Virtue, the nature of the mind (what is mind? It doesn't matter, what is matter? Never mind) am i just a biological computer, or is everyone else just computers and i'm the only one capable of conscious thought? ARGH! but it is very cool, well at least i think it is.

"Sugar, do do do do do do...

...Oh Honey Honey do do do do do"

I've just devoured my way through a whole packet of haribo starmix (the ones with a bit of everything in; jelly rings, cola bottles(without peas in!)foam hearts, gummy bears, fried eggs...) and now i'm on a complete sugar high. Its my second packet in as many days and i'm sure that many e-numbers can't be good for you. I think i'm a sugar junkie, addicted to it, i get cravings when i haven't got any so i HAVE to go out and buy it, if i haven't got any money, i eat it out of my sugar bag (not that its got that bad yet), i can't go into a shop lately without buying it, argh help!! I think i must have a sweet tooth, or a whole set of sweet dentures, and curiously enough i also have cravings for jack daniels, not that i've ever tried it, but it looks so nice and appealing and the bottle looks cool, i want some, yet that really IS too expensive its like £12. I also have other stranger and more dangerous cravings that i find myself indulging far too often lately especially internet shopping, what's worse is when they tempt you by sending you free "£5 off" vouchers, knowing for-well that that will only cover the postage costs, yet still it entices you in. I've started LOTR again too, the first time i read it i skipped the foreword "concerning hobbits" but as i read it i got the curious urge to walk around bear foot (nothing unusual maybe) have a good mug of ale (again something i am accustomed to)and then smoke a long pipe full of the finest weed in the southfarthing. What is all that about?!?! How does he make it so appealing?! Anyway, next time i go into a tobacconists i'll se if they can supply me with an ounce of old toby, what a night that will be; Sugar highs, drinking whisky and smoking weed!

A very thought provoking and philosophical poem...

I wish I were a Glow-worm.

Glow-Worm's are never Glum.

How could you be glum,

When the sun shines out your *Ahem*!

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Dad has a new wireless keyboard, just checking it works! haven't been here for a while, not that i've been busy, its just been so uneventful, or events have happened that you really would want to listen to, same old same old really. So i feel rather unfulfilledthis (SPACEBaR DOESN't work and capslock, obviously!) year, there aren't even copious ammounts of turkey left for sandwitches for the next two months. Thanks for my present laura (if you're reading this) and all the cards from everybody else, thy were all good. Oh well. Oh right, i never thought this day would come, it doesn't feel quite real, idon't think that it has properly sunk in that, i will NEVER see petra!!! :'''''''( NEVER! As of the 31st of december 2005, petra stopped touring, stopped recording, stopped EVERYTHING, there is no PETRA :''(
I sent Bob a congratulatory e-mail on 33 years of excellence and he said he had a good time last night, i also asked him if he still had may guitars for sale, i really want one, do you think it would be a good idea to spend some of my next installment of student loan on one? : /