Right, that's it, i've decided; i'm, not going to grow up any more. i'm, going to be a veritable peter pan, infact i want to go back even further and be a kid again. Innocence, what a beautiful thing to be shattered by the world we live in today. it sucks. So now i want to make sure i don't get any older. Why would anyone want to grow up anyway? You study for years, learning pointless and completely usesless infomation that only equips yout to learn even more pointless things and nothing of any practical use. you get a job to pay for things, fine, but why have money in the first place? who's idea was that!? i bet it was some rich guy, just wanting to keep himself secure even at the expense of others. why do i have to do this? what says that myonly options are either study, or work? isn't there just so much more to life, of course there is, but it costs money, so to get that you have to work, meaning you have to study, but once you get a job you spend all your time earning the money and paying tax that you never get a chance to do anything with it other than go and earn more only to spend it on things!? I just want to run away somewhere, leave all this behind, go and live in my own little world away from pressures and responsibilities, money, people and society. make a respectable living from making my own food and belongings but just enjoying my life, not just having to squeeze little fun bits in here and there but have to go back to the mundane day to day reality of the so called "real world"
Well the real world is out there, but most people can't see it , they're too blinded byt his concept of work to live/live to work. Why?! why do we have to do this? isn't life more than that, there is so much more than this, there has to be. where is the time to enjoy the beauty around us, where is the space to reflect and find yourself? why are there never enough hours in the day, days in the week, years in our lives?
But could i leave it all behind? My family, my friends, my things? if i could, would i? sure i would, for a bit, until i started missing people, places, things. But there's no reason why that would change, people are here to enjoy being around eachother, that's why there's so many of us and we're all so diverse, but yet again, life like this gets in the way of all that, how often have i seen you all? how often do i spend with people, my family? how often to i get to enjoy nature, have enough time to stop and enjoy a sunset. See the waves. gaze at the stars? I don't, theres always something else, something that someone tells me is "more important" who is it that tells me its more important, and who are they to prioratise my life!? I have essays in for a few weeks, and until i do them i have all this pressure hanging over me "got to get it done, got to finish it, got to read around the subject" and once i do get it done, what happens? they give me even more to do! this sounds like a rage about "the man" well, if it is, this is me stickin' it to the man! who set these thingsa in order? who said my choices have to be so limited, why is my life already planned out ofr me so narrowly even before its really even begun!? so i'm like a quarter of the way through already, a quarter of my life, and what have i done? what can i say i have achieved? what difference have i made?! Now, bigger question, given an open chance, open decisions, if someone said i could do anything i want, would i have spent the last eighteen years any differently?
I don't know.
i don't even know who i am anymore, i just feel so squashed, i want to break free, be free and fly away.
Oh man i'm screwed up
